French People Aren’t Rude, You Just Don’t Get Them
One of the most common stereotypes that circulates about the French is that they are rude by nature. Stories of hostile interactions with sour French people get passed around so often that Jalen and I are routinely asked how we can bear to live alongside the French. As two Americans living in France, we’re here to set the story straight.
Are stereotypes accurate?
Let’s begin by making it clear that French people are not a monolith, and we should always keep in mind that no two people of any nationality are exactly the same. Furthermore, there are disagreeable and downright mean people from every country in the world. Finally, though stereotypes are sometimes based in an iota of truth, they don’t always tell the whole story.
Consider the fact that many people in the world believe that all Americans are disrespectful, boisterous, and unintelligent. Though many Americans don’t think of themselves as discourteous or empty-headed, the stereotype remains prevalent.
That said, making generalizations can help us discern and discuss the broad strokes of a country’s culture. If we’re going to simplify the French people and speak generally about them, we should at least be honest about how they really behave.
has anyone figured out why French people are so rude yet
— j (@jdlilliehn) March 20, 2019
Why do we say the French are rude?
Let’s investigate some of the aspects of French culture that lead people to perceive the French as unpleasant.
When compared to Americans, the French are rather direct. While sugar-coated critiques are the norm in the United States, the French prefer matter-of-fact candor without too much consideration for feelings. For example, in the French school system, students’ grades are less than private. Teachers often read pupils’ scores aloud and give verbal evaluation in front of the class. While this sort of brutal honesty would be considered a blatant disregard of privacy and sensitivities in the United States, it’s a fixed feature of the French mindset. French frankness can be seen as malicious by Americans who prefer to give gentle feedback over harsh criticisms.
Big smiles, loud laughter, and chatting with strangers are normal parts of daily life in the United States. Americans act this way to display their friendliness outwardly. In France, however, this sort of behavior is anything but standard. Interactions with strangers start and end with a polite greeting in France, leading Americans to believe the French are cold and standoffish. While Americans find that involving people they don’t know in conversation is amiable, the French prefer to exist quietly amongst strangers, giving others space to go about their days. All things considered, leaving people in peace is just the French way of expressing the kindness that Americans try to convey with small talk.
In the United States, the customer is king. When you’re accustomed to America’s over-the-top customer service culture, your interactions with French service providers may feel shocking. For example, in the United States, you can expect top-notch customer service at restaurants, as servers make the majority of their income from tips. Nonetheless, you’d be kidding yourself to believe that American servers go above and beyond out of the kindness of their hearts. When your ability to pay the bills is directly correlated with how much customers appreciate your performance, it’s easy to see why American servers are extremely attentive, smiley, and expeditious at work. This compulsory service-with-a-smile attitude is less prevalent in France where doing a satisfactory job is perfectly acceptable. The French simply expect servers to take their order, deliver their food, and present the bill. Americans might feel slighted while eating out in France, leading them to deem the employees unlikeable because of this cultural difference.
why are french people always depicted so rude by american media and literature i don’t get it
— ana 🍒 hannibal rewatch (@locklandeli) April 2, 2021
Is Franco-American camaraderie possible?
In reality, the vast majority of negative stereotypes about the French disposition are easily dispelled with a bit of critical thinking and cultural competence. Understanding the points of difference between American and French culture paves the way to finding the aspects of the two ways of life that are actually complementary. For example, French friends often describe me as souriante, or cheerful, because while I don’t flash my teeth at strangers, I don’t hide my American smile altogether either – meaning I’m considered pleasant to be around by many French people. Furthermore, Jalen has come to appreciate French people’s honesty, as it has helped him to perfect his performance in the workplace more quickly than if the French simply doled out compliments.
In other words, French and American cultures are more compatible than they may seem on the surface.
What clichés have you heard about the French? How might your own culture influence your perception of others? Let us know in a comment!
17 Comments
sally
Thanks gor the post. Hmmmm. Just met some very odd French in Florida. In retrospect, I think they ignored me after our initial chat because they were terrified of getting trapped in another English conversation. However, traveling in Asia, there have been numerous times French make a grotesque display of their rudeness to local people, like on a bus or at a hotel and they make no bones about it and the English and Germans roll their eyes and the Americans look either startled or embarrassed. Not sure how old this post is but vanning in the USA in 2022 is noticeably different from my last trip in 2019. I don’t know how French are coping, but here it’s like a woman I discussed with with said, we’re worn down and tired.
J Boon
While travelling through France, we tried on many occassions to converse with staff in both small shops and larger supermarkets. The result was always the same. As soon as they realised we were not French, they refused to understand, refused to acknowledge are existence or just walked away from us. Unbelievable ignorance.
Unfortunately we have to travel through France quite often…! Over many years we have encountered only one lady who was very polite, she spoke English and had spent some time in other parts of the world.
Marie
I actually just left France. Nice, Cannes and did a bit of exploring in Monaco. I completely agree with the other two people who commented. The French are RUDE. For no absolute reason. They think they are superior and the world revolves around them. There are 195 countries, France isn’t the only country in this world. They need to get off of their high horse. Even when you are being pleasant and nice by using proper French grammar, they will still be mean and rude because you’re simply not French. They are very small minded people.
Gaius Gracchus
Wow! That is really sad to hear. Do you think the rudeness is particular to tourist areas or everywhere?
Franck
Quel dommage de lire le commentaire de J. BOON. Disant que les français ne font aucun effort à parler avec lui alors qu’il tentait de faire une conversation avec des employés (qui étaient au travail donc avaient sûrement autre chose a faire que de discuter). Disant qu’ils ne font aucun effort à parler anglais. Mais le monde n’est pas anglophone. Et il faut s’adapter au pays de destination. J’imagine la réaction d’américains si je parlais français sans faire l’effort de parler anglais (et il serait normal qu’ils ne l’acceptent pas). Beaucoup de messages pleins de reproche sans remise en question personnelle. Avant de critiquer, faites un travail sur vous même. Vous n’êtes pas parfait. (ET les français non plus, je vous rassure, je ne me pense pas).
Allison
No, the French are absolutely surlier and less pleasant than many of their European counterparts. Much of the reasons you cite in the article for the misunderstandings are true of Spain and Portugal. Service in these places is phenomenal whether you are at a 5 star hotel or a local tapas bar.
I was just screamed at for pulling over on the side of a road IN A TOURIST TOWN to determine if I was allowed to drive on the medieval street to get to my hotel. There were no signs (in any language). It was so unnecessary to be SO rude – a simple understanding on the screamer’s part (hey this is confusing and not obvious) and a gentle go ahead would have done the trick and not left me feeling like a fool for being here.
I don’t mind neutral and I know the etiquette but I have spent a lot of time here and tourists need to be prepared for a lot more unpleasant interactions throughout France – even if they speak French – than in pretty much any other Western European destination. There will be plenty of pleasant interactions too (especially in the off season and at particularly high end establishments) but it’s not going to be as welcoming or as hospitable as other European destinations. The French don’t actually care about their tourism all that much (but also take strange pride in it) so it’s important to choose your guides and activities wisely to avoid being made to feel like you are dog poo.
Daniel Wallace
We are all familiar with the French stare. Whilst that might be acceptable in France, in many countries and culture is considered utterly rude and intrusive and this behaviour should desist on holiday.
Many of my friends remarked whilst on holiday the French stare at the hotel restaurant and how unwelcomed and uncomfortable they were made by it I witnessed myself , and I found it deeply disturbing.
TBDr
33M, Californian here, well traveled around the world. I speak enough French to order in a restaurant but not much more and am currently staying in Paris for the past 3 weeks. The article is accurate in my experience and there are some other nuances that can lead to poor interactions with the French, such as showing up to a restaurant right before a servers break (2-4PM) despite it not explicitly saying they are closing anywhere, including online.
I’ve thought a lot about my experience here in France because of all my international trips, for some reason France has been the most disappointing. There is something about this country that does rub the wrong way relative to any other country and I can’t quite put my finger on it.
The closest I’ve come to is that in every trip I’ve taken, I can, for example, sit at a bar and without fail meet someone. Whether its chatting up the bartender, smiling at a neighbor, or the people around me hearing and seeing that I’m obviously not from there. A conversation will occur and a friendship might come of it. I’ve become friends with complete strangers from the tip of Argentina to the steppes of Mongolia and the castles of Ireland with sometimes no effort at all on my part just because people opened themselves up.
But not in France. I’ve been here for 3 weeks and I have not had a single person, not one, spark up a conversation with me. Not one person has made an effort to tack on a comment or question when I said something to them. Not one person go “Oh hey where are you from?” when they hear my obviously foreign accent. I’ve spent hours sitting in bars, cafes, venues, etc and I’ve never felt more invisiblec or unwanted in all of my travels than here in France. That’s just not a normal experience almost anywhere on this planet and as such I think the social norms that create that experience are also responsible for why so many foreigners just don’t vibe with the French and are only able to articulate it through less accurate terms like “rude”.
Gaia
They’re rude. Lived there for years, lived in other European countries too, and never had I ever experienced the racism I experienced there: at work, institutions, people in general… I have been insulted and attacked just for speaking my own language.
The best thing I did was leave!
B
Well, there have been no misconceptions on my part. I am an introvert, not loud or boisterous. Many French are incredibly rude and/or smell bad. Deodorant must be very optional there.
I was on an Air France leg of a European flight and had an elderly woman call me an Ugly American, after I helped her stow her luggage out of kindness. She thought I wouldn’t get the reference to the novel. I’ve heard other people be called that as well, so it must be a favorite national insult.
Another time in Dubai, an elderly French man fell backwards getting off a minibus. I caught him just before he cracked his head on the top step. Yep, he yelled at me.
Another person got mad at me for speaking English at a layover in Charles DeGaulle airport. According to them, I should have learned French to do a 2 hour layover there.
The Dutch have a bad reputation, but I have found them to be twice as courteous as French.
G
I have a mixed bag of experiences, but honestly, I either find them cordial&polite but rather distant or exceedingly rude&arrogant. If you are dressed bad, unusually (like wearing loud colors) or even worse, you’re (visibly) plus-sized or have ANY feature that you don’t hide then expect negative remarks and very judgmental stares thrown at your expense. Sometimes you can even hear people make audible comments behind your back or laugh. Where I’m from people ain’t perfect and there’s a lot of rude interactions I had to deal with in my hometown but generally people don’t do this unless they’re trying to pick a fight. You can tell the people here do this like any ordinary day and don’t expect any backlash from it. Very weird.
Anyway, some areas in FR are worse than others. Not really loving the Southwest so far, but I hear Paris and the Southeast are even worse.
Jennifer
We moved from Las Vegas to Portugal in 2021 and rented a beautiful country home. The home owner was French, a nice man, born and raised in France. He told us he left France because he cannot stand the French. In 2022, My husband worked closely with 2 Frenchman and found them to be fun enough. One French spoke good English, the other French did not. Two differnet situations, so I will see when we go to France.
Aro
Everyone from France I meet has been at least to me- weather I spoke my language or theirs. Not sure about living there for a long time but I’ve worked in a French theatre and with French artists- my mentor in theatre is French. I learned to sing from a French opera singer, who treated me like her own child.
What I find strange is how historically France is mocked over “cowardice” or surrendering when they were the main winners of war against the English (not to mention stopping the Mongol empire) moral or not- they were a military power and seemed to learn the lesson of colonialism being bad in the 1800s… can’t say the same for other countries, though they still support overseas wars and send boots or weapons politically for the others. In no way should the US be critical of France- they won us our revolution and we helped inspire theirs. History has been underhandedly changed by England- but they wouldn’t exist without France (one of their mistakes I’d argue was to aid England in gaining power)
Deshania
Ive travelled to a few countries and I don’t understand why theres always a comparison between the French and the Americans when it comes to being polite. The French people are just rude and they dont need to be compared to Americans. And not every English speaker is American. Ive been to many countries and I never had the experiences Ive had in France . People always talk about the stereotypes of Germans and Dutch people being cold but the French are just straight up rude . Yet they known for their etiquette??? What etiquette??? They should start with their attitude.
David
I am traveling through Europe at this very moment, we are from Latin America, and I must say that so far our experience in France has been unpleasant. Not only have we experienced unnecessary uncomfortable situations, but we have also practically been discriminated against for not speaking the language. I notice that in the other comments a word has been used that I agree with: rude, that’s how the French are for no reason.
Diana Bryant
I have never been to France but if having a French grandmother is any sign of rudeness she was it.
Christine
I’m a Canadian immigrant living in France. I speak the language, though with an accent that’s part anglophone, part western Quebec, and part Acadian. 75% of the time, people are genuinely curious about my background, especially given that as someone who’s a visible minority, I’m not their picture of a Canadian (white drunk hoser type), but they’ve generally been friendly and nice. Living in a smaller city with many expats who don’t speak or refuse to learn French, personally I feel like I’m treated well because I can communicate with locals in their native language.
The other 25% are rude as hell, going so far as to switch to speaking to me in very bad English because I don’t speak “proper” French or mocking my accent. And guess what? Some of the absolute meanest are francophile immigrants from the US, UK, Canada and Australia who have obtained French citizenship and speak French perfectly.
My kids, who are below 10 years old, speak French fluently, and haven’t lost their Quebec accent, don’t escape teasing or snide comments either from locals or the francophile immigrants in the above paragraphs. It’s weird and infuriating when adults berate young kids for “not real” French.
The worst for me are my French spouse’s Parisian family members. To be fair, they fit the Parisian snobby stereotype and look down on everyone! Nobody is as sophisticated and cultured a Parisian, they claim, but I feel that although they’re rude to the family members from smaller French towns, they’re especially hard on me as a foreigner. Mocking my French, mocking my food (they believe French cuisine is the best in the universe and won’t touch anything not traditional French), mocking my clothes (because I’m not as fashionable as them), mocking my lack of employment (my degrees and certifications aren’t recognized in France) is common with these awful relatives.