It’s Possible To Make a Successful Life in France Without a French Partner
Despite intercultural amour being a popular reason that foreigners make France their long-term home, entering into a relationship with a French person isn’t a prerequisite for immigrating to France. However, having a French significant other does facilitate many aspects of life here as a foreigner. From intangible perks like gaining instant access to a network of French friends and family, to more concrete ones like becoming eligible for advantageous relationship-based residence permits and an expedited citizenship pathway, foreigners with a French plus-one have a leg-up in a number of respects. As such, there’s a running gag in the foreigners-in-France community that half-jokingly glorifies locking down a French mate.
I don’t want to leave France, who wants to marry me?
I’m looking for a job in France, but a French partner would be even better!
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In search of a Frenchie to take care of me!
In all seriousness, as two Americans whose routes to France never involved romantic relationships with French people, we disagree with the notion that finding a French companion is the be-all and end-all. Not only does this mindset imply that carving out a place for yourself in France without a French sweetheart is next to impossible, but it also paints a rather rosy picture of what can happen when you mix romance and immigration. The widespread idea that starting a relationship is the best way to immigrate can be discouraging for foreigners who are looking to take a different course of action. We’re here to remind you that you can absolutely make a successful life in France without a French partner, and that falling for a French person doesn’t guarantee a fairytale ending.
In some ways, becoming romantically involved with a French person as a foreigner appears to be a magic bullet. Don’t understand how a bureaucratic process works? They’ll explain it to you! Have a tough phone call to make? They’ll do it for you! Need French guarantors for your apartment rental application? Their family can help you! Looking for a job opportunity? They can connect you with someone! The list goes on and on. Perhaps the most enticing factor of finding a French significant other is that making the relationship official with a Pacte civil de solidarité (Pacs) or marriage gives foreigners access to the vie privée et familiale residence permit that grants full working rights.
However, if moving to France is your goal, you can accomplish all of the above without ever going out with a French person. Is it difficult to figure out how administration à la française works on your own? Tough to take accountability for your French-language skills? Stressful to navigate French procedures that just don’t accommodate foreigners? Hard to get opportunities when you don’t have a French person vouching for you? Challenging to maintain your residency status on your own merit? Certainly! Nevertheless, we know better than anyone that you don’t have to have a French significant other to make these things happen. Foreigners in France can succeed from touchdown all the way to naturalization without any relationship-based benefits.
@the_francofile Turnin’ up in France since 2019! 🇫🇷🤙 #americaninfrance #france #expat #expatlife #immigrant #immigration #moveabroad #liveabroad ♬ follow me on ig the_jaderoom – jade👸🏽
Don’t get us wrong, intercultural love stories are often some of the most touching, and we don’t believe that foreigners should have to worry about being separated from their French companions. When a foreigner finds their better half in France, it’s only natural that they reap the benefits of their connection. Truth be told, it makes perfect sense! What we object to is the idea that setting up shop in France is hopeless for those of us who aren’t paired off with French people, especially when the relationships that so many people crave aren’t all rainbows and butterflies. While falling in love with a French person can certainly be helpful, combining affairs of the heart and expatriation doesn’t work out for the best each and every time.
We’ve just seen too many tricky situations to be able to laugh when people make jokes about how securing a French sweetheart fixes everything. In reality, the power dynamics of French-foreign couples are such that expatriates can be rather vulnerable. For example, foreigners may become reliant on their partners because they don’t speak French well, depending on them economically, socially, and legally. Decreased independence plus being far away from any support system that isn’t shared with their French mate can quickly spell disaster for foreigners in France. Tying your life in France to your French significant other, especially if your residency status is involved, isn’t just a simplified way to stay here – it’s a consequential choice that should be taken seriously. Instead, it’s a completely acceptable thing to joke about.
What it all comes down to is that you don’t need a French companion to do anything as a foreigner in France. Foreigners can do any administrative process, pursue education, have successful careers, and even become citizens without the help of a French significant other. Moreover, making light of involving a French romantic partner in your expat life in France is naive and tactless. The idealized version of being swept off your feet by a French person and never having another worry as a foreigner in France just isn’t how it goes, even for the happiest of French-foreign couples. For both of these reasons, we want to set the record straight: Finding a French sweetheart isn’t a necessary step for foreigners who want to build a life in France. As Americans in France, we’re delighted to be real examples for those who have their doubts.
Have you heard people imply that foreigners going it alone in France are bound to fail? Or that making it official with a French person is a one-way ticket to expat bliss? Let us know your thoughts in a comment!
One Comment
Lisa Fleury
This is a good wake up call to the reality of getting into a situation where the non French partner can be disempowered. I am pretty sure the majority % of those people are non French *women*. It is possible to become a full fledged empowered non French person in France with a French partner, but as you said, it is important to speak the language well, be able to support oneself outside the relationship, and create a professional and personal network in one’s adopted country.